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Covenant Marriage
God’s Intent for Marriage
A covenant marriage is intended by God to be a lifelong relationship exemplifying
unconditional love, reconciliation, sexual purity, and growth. A covenant is an
eternal commitment with God. People can negotiate out of contracts, but not out
of a covenant. The heart of covenant marriage is “the steadfast love of the Lord,”
which comes from the very heart of God and “never ceases” (Lam. 3:22, RSV).
God intends for marriage to be a lifelong covenant relationship between a man and
a woman. When a couple shares their wedding vows, they are vowing to God, each
other, their families, and their community to remain steadfast in unconditional
love, reconciliation, and sexual purity, while purposefully growing in their
covenant marriage relationship. It is God desires to bring wholeness to families
through covenant marriage relationships.
Genesis 1:27 says that, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God
He created him; male and female He created them. And God blessed them and God
said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and
rule over … every living thing that moves on the earth.’ ” When God
“blessed them” in essence He initiated an action and then empowered the man and
woman to complete the action. In other words God gave them the gift of a covenant
relationship and then equipped them to be successful.
In Gen. 2:18,22-25 God acknowledged that, “It is not good for the man to be alone;
I will make him a helper suitable for him.’ … And the Lord God fashioned
into a woman the rib, which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.
And the man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall
be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ For this reason a man shall
leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become
one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
In the context of a covenant relationship that God provided the ultimate experience
in “oneness” through sexual intimacy.
Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from
the Lord.” How do you perceive your marriage? Men, do you believe God brought
your wife to you? Do you consider her a gift from God? Have you considered that when
God brought her to you He was expressing His love to you? God was saying, “It is not
good that you should be alone so I have made a helper for you as an expression of my
love for you and you are to love her as I have loved my bride, the church. You shall
readily lay down your life for her, loving her as you love yourself.”
When the term “covenant” is used in the Bible it is evident that God is the one who
initiates the covenant. God established His covenant with the patriarchs of our faith.
God said to Noah, “Behold I myself do establish My covenant with you and with your
descendents after you” (Gen. 9:9). God said to Abraham, “I will establish My covenant
between Me and you, and I will multiply you exceedingly … God said, ‘As for Me, behold
My covenant is with you and you shall be the father of a multitude of nations’ ”
God is always the giver of the covenant. We are the recipients of the covenant. We choose
to accept it and remain obedient to the covenant God has established. The foundation for
such a covenant is unconditional love for that is who God is. Our covenant relationship
with our spouse should reflect, and in actuality can only be made possible through, God’s
gift of unconditional love.
Elements of a Covenant Relationship
Covenants are the fruit of a loving, faithful relationship.
The vows we exchange at our wedding reflect a relationship already bound by steadfast love
and faithfulness. The degree in which these words have meaning comes in direct proportion
to the unconditional love that dwells within our heart for the one to whom we are
repeating them.
Covenant partners take responsibility for their actions.
As partners in a covenant marriage relationship, we are responsible for our actions. An
example would be to remain “sexually pure” in our thoughts and actions towards
our spouse.
Covenants are based on freedom of choice.
Covenant marriages are not built on coercion, deceit, and manipulation. Wives, submission
is freely given and grows from respect, not fear and manipulation. In like manner, husband,
choose daily to love your wife “as Christ loved the church.” You must freely choose to love
and honor her in spite of the fact that you may not “feel” like loving and honoring her.
Covenants are rooted in actions based on choices, not feelings.
Our feelings are forever fluctuating. Therefore to build a covenant marriage on feelings is
to build it on shifting sand, which cannot support the foundation of marriage.
Covenant partners nurture their relation-ship.
Our marriage will grow as we build up one another in love. This takes place when we value
our spouse more than ourselves. As we experience the unconditional love of Jesus Christ,
we are able to love our spouse as He loves us. Covenant partners administer unconditional
love, forgiveness, and reconciliation while providing comfort and hope to their partner.
Covenants are based on commitments freely offered
A covenant is built on selfless love, freely given and freely received. As strange as it
may sound, a covenant marriage is one in which the “tie that binds” the couple together
is a commitment freely offered with no strings attached. Paul said it well: “Love never
fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8).
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