Monday, April 14, 2008
Choosing Victory over Catastrophe There I was, in the corner of my closet, crying out from the depths of my heart and the pit of my stomach into a wet towel which moments earlier was used to warm me after my descent from the shower. In a matter of moments the towel had been transformed from a source of cover and comfort to a silencer for my gut-wrenching cries. It had become a buffer between my sorrow and the sudden stranger that sat just on the other side of the wall. I couldn’t let him hear my anguish. I couldn’t let my heartache and brokenness be known, especially to him, my perpetrator. I had to hide myself, disguise my agony, and go on with life acting as if nothing had ever happened. Or did I? This scenario took place just a few months ago between my husband and me. It literally felt as though, in a matter of moments, the bottom of my life had dropped out from under me and I started free falling. My first thoughts were, “how could he?” and “what does she have that I don’t?” I felt so alone and empty. My deepest fears were realized on that day and it was devastating. I didn’t want to look at him, talk to him or even be in the same place as he was. My son, almost one at the time, was all I could look at as a reminder of why I was still in our house at all. My son needed me and I knew that at this point in my life, I desperately needed him. The days dragged on and I knew I couldn’t live like this for much longer. Leaving wasn’t an option. I made that choice several years ago when I said ‘I do.’ So what were my choices? I had already decided I could not go on living in such misery and I could not abandon my marriage so the only other sensible alternative was to seek counseling. The next day we started to call around. Distraught over the high cost of receiving the help we so desperately needed, we called our friends, the couple that gave us pre-marital counseling, and we asked them to guide us. Graciously they offered their hands and hearts to us, and thus we began the process. Also at the time I was reading an incredible book about the heart of a woman and how wounded we become as we travel through life. Instead of jumping on the bandwagon of husband bashing and the ‘get out quick’ philosophy, it forced me to look at my role in all of this. No it was not my fault that this happened but could I be hindering the hand of God by not allowing Him to heal this situation through me? That question prompted me to dig deeper. Eventually I realized how much I had come to depend on my husband to be everything for me. I had made him responsible for how I felt about myself, the success of my life, and placed him as the only one capable of granting me, or in this case taking away, my sense of worth. That is why it was so easy for me to feel hollow after he broke his covenant with me to always be honest and faithful. In essence I had placed my husband in the seat of God himself. Instantly I fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness. How could I have missed this for so long? I had broken by covenant with God. I too had sinned against God. I started to realize how crushed God must have been these past few years as he watched me float up and down based on the whims of my husband’s mood and my dependence on those moments of attention or kind words. All the while He, the true Lover of my soul, was waiting, no… longing to speak sweetness into my heart and comfort me in His unconditional, unfailing love. I was humbled. From that moment on I approached the situation with my husband differently. I wasn’t going to place him on the throne of my heart again because that seat belonged to God, but I was going to do whatever it took to allow God to gain the victory in our marriage. Instead of hindering His hand through my selfishness, I wanted to be a tool in His hand and help Him start building our marriage to be even stronger. Here I was with the choice to become better or bitter and I chose to get better. Through our counseling sessions we have been consistently reminded of the covenant we made to each other on our wedding day. I know that I may not have married a perfect man like I once naively thought, but I have married a David-like man that I trust has been redeemed through the blood of Christ to again be called ‘a man after God’s own heart.’ That is the kind of man I made a covenant with several years ago and he is the man with whom I will maintain my covenant. Now that I can look back without it dredging up the fears and pain, I can see how God’s hand was on this, was on me, the entire time. I never blew up at my husband. Even as he was confessing his sin to me, all I could think to do was hold him and tell him how much I loved him. After my meltdown in the closet, I spent several days mulling over my thoughts and feelings. Eventually I could articulate them to my husband without anger while maintaining the weight of hurt he had caused. I knew flying off the handle would not make anything better and I knew I didn’t want to be the cause of making things worse. Over time I stopped seeing my husband as the enemy and started to see my husband’s sinful act as a tool Satan was trying to use to destroy our marriage. I wasn’t going to give Satan a foothold any longer through my unhealed and mishandled emotions so I chose to fight back through humility, grace and love, something Satan can’t even come close to, let alone touch. Together my husband and I have had to fight many uphill battles along the way but the war has been won. This journey to health is more like a marathon than it is a sprint or even a 5K run. We are nowhere near the end but we are on the right path and for this, I am thankful.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Breaking News: Marriage Amendment Meets Historic Petition Goal to be on 2008 Ballot
Read article by clicking here
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
They Need Our SupportThe following information was received from the Family Research Council in Washington, DC and we pass it on to you requesting your prayer support for the efforts being extended on behalf of marriage bills in the states of Massachusetts, North Carolina & Rhode Island. "Faced with growing pro-marriage momentum, several state leaders are pulling out all of the procedural stops to keep marriage protection amendments out of voters' hands. In Massachusetts, time is winding down to the June 14 deadline when legislators will decide whether or not to put an amendment on the 2008 ballot. Liberals in the Bay State are so desperate that they've called on Speaker Nancy Pelosi to intervene. Even the most powerful woman in Congress has yet to change a single vote. In North Carolina, House Speaker Joe Hackney (D) used his power to force a marriage amendment back to committee after sponsors--60 of the 120 members of the North Carolina House--brought it to the floor. As House Minority Leader Paul Stam (R) told reporters, 'This is a test of whether [we have] a democratic institution or not.' Facing the same challenges as Massachusetts, pro-family groups in North Carolina are working quickly to rescue the amendment before the session's end. The ruckus over marriage continues in Rhode Island, where the state Supreme Court has finally agreed to hear the case of a same-sex couple who wed in Massachusetts but now seek a divorce in their home state. Although the justices assured Providence officials they would only rule on whether homosexual marriage would be recognized for the purposes of divorce, the suit creates a dangerous precedent by 'recognizing' these unions at all. If the couple is successful, homosexual activists will have hit the judicial jackpot with a broad loophole for pursuing same-sex 'marriages' in other states." Let me encourage you to be praying for those who are seeking to uphold marriage between a man and a woman, as God intends it to be. If you live within these states, I would also encourage you to personally get involved in supporting marriage on your home front. Additional Resources High court takes up gay divorce case
Monday, January 08, 2007
Covenant Marriage—Offering My Best for His Glory Covenant marriage is all about offering my best to God in my marriage for His glory. God is calling those of us who call ourselves “Believers” to a higher standard of living for Him in our marriages. If I am not giving my best to God first, I cannot give my best to my wife or husband. To give our best for His glory requires unrelenting determination. Such determination is a matter of the will—not one of debate or reasoning but absolute and irrevocable surrender of my will to God. When I spend too much time thinking about or pondering the personal gains or losses in my marriage, I have lost focus on God’s intent for my marriage and have become selfish. I have to will to be in covenant with God and my spouse. An undue amount of thought or consideration for myself will keep me from making that decision to give my best to God or my spouse. Instead, I will begin offering a counterfeit replica of the real thing. I will cover up my lack of trust in God and his covenant with the pretense that it is my spouse or our children that I am protecting. I will begin settling for the mundane rather that the extraordinary benefits of a covenant marriage. This year I am going to offer my best to God for His glory. That will first and foremost make an impact on my marriage and family. Covenant marriage is not for the faint hearted but for those who are willing to lay down their personal will to the will of God and determine to be absolutely surrendered to Him. The one thing I will hold onto in the midst of this journey is the fact that God is Love and there will never be a time in my life or marriage or the lives of those I love that he does not act out of love. Whenever we place our love for self or others over our love for God, we are choosing second best. When we place anyone or anything over our love and obedience to God we are sinning against Him. As with Paul when writing to the Philippians said, “I shall not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ shall even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death” (Phil 1:20). Let’s not let anything stand in the way of our giving our best to Him for His glory today and every day.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
RELEASING IN DECEMBER
MOVE BEYOND THE MUNDANE
Celebrate 2007 Covenant Marriage Sunday
mun·dane (adj.)
1. Of, relating to, or typical of this world; secular. 2. Relating to, characteristic of, or concerned with commonplaces; ordinary. The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Mundane is not a word couples want to use to describe their marriage. No couple enters into marriage with the hope and dream of a mundane life together. One of the primary reasons so many marriages are failing today is that there is no sense of adventure, no excitement about the future, and no real need for husbands and wives to pull together while trusting God because their life is so exciting and at the same time a little uncertain. Newly-weds know exactly what I’m talking about. The rest of us who have become complacent, a little lazy, and somewhat bored with our married lives have to think a little to remember what it felt like when our marriages were new and exciting. God never intended for marriage to become mundane, ordinary, routine, or boring. The abundant life is all about the extraordinary. It is about adventure and our marriages are supposed to demonstrate to the world just how wonderful the adventure is—where couples have to trust and obey Him and they have to trust and depend on each other. Couples can move beyond the mundane, beyond the ordinary, the routine everyday existence into the realm of the extraordinary. ex·traor·di·nar·y (adj.)1. Beyond what is ordinary or usual 2. Highly exceptional; remarkable The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
An Extraordinary Marriage is the kind of marriage couples dream of and one which all of us desire. In the business world it requires hard work, creativity, commitment, sacrifice, endurance, a “don’t take no for an answer” mentality, a “no holds barred” tenacity to achieve such status. We applaud such a strong-willed spirit that takes a person beyond the mundane. We even envy such a person. If not envy, we do catch ourselves desiring what they have obtained without much thought to what they may have sacrificed to obtain it. An extraordinary marriage requires no less. In order for a couple’s marriage to move beyond the mundane some of these same factors must be in place. It takes hard work, creativity, commitment, sacrifice, endurance, a “no holds barred” tenacity and a “don’t take divorce for an answer” attitude. Young married and engaged couples are excited about marriage even in the face of their fear of the unknown. They struggle with the fear of failure, of abandonment, of disappointment, of being hurt, and of simply surviving. So, rather than embrace the adventure God has for them, they do what’s safe—building a safe and secure and boring and mundane future together. God isn’t safe. You don’t have to trust God if you’re safe. Trust implies risk and adventure; moving beyond the ordinary. Those who have been married for awhile need to recapture that sense of adventure God wants for our marriage wherein we trust and obey Him in the face of the mundane and ordinary. Couples need to be motivated to strive harder, to not settle for the ordinary, to discover the resources God has placed within them to reach new heights in their relationship with Him and with one another and you can help. You can help them understand the purpose of marriage from God’s perspective; the promise of God to be with them; the power of God to enable them; the peace of God that sustains them; the protection of God for those who rest in Him; the provisions of God flowing through them to each other; the pleasure God desires for them to experience as a couple; and, the perseverance God provides to keep them moving from an mundane marriage to an extraordinary one. On Sunday, February 11, 2007 churches across the nation and around the world will be celebrating Covenant Marriage Sunday. Should this Sunday not fit your church calendar, we understand. The Congregational Kit has been designed to assist you in preparing and celebrating a Covenant Marriage Sunday on whatever Sunday best suits your church calendar. The kit will provide everything an average size church needs to celebrate this event. It will include the following: How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich (Waterbrook Press) From This Day Forward by Ted & Gayle Haggard (Waterbrook Press) Covenant vs. Contract by Phil Waugh and Dave Brown (Son Publishing) Blueprints for Marriage by Johnny Parker (Pneuma Life Publishing) The Great Commandment Principle by David Ferguson (Tyndale House) Return to Intimacy (4 CD set) by Jimmy Evans (4) - 11 x 17 Posters (150) - Bulletin Inserts (50) - Couple’s Commitment Cards (25) - Covenant Marriage Certificates A Congregational Declaration A Series of Sermon Outlines Marriage Facts Sheets Covenant Affirmation Ceremonies Congregational Informational Manual Newspaper Ads and Clip Art And much, much more Additional items such as posters, bulletin inserts, commitment cards and certificates can be purchased separately. Be on the lookout for more information to come.
Monday, September 11, 2006
The Numbing of a Nation
Today marks the fifth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on our country at the hand of Osama bin Laden. On this day we remember the blatant act of war against our nation as innocent men, women, and children lost their lives in New York City, at the Pentagon and in Pennsylvania. We grieve the immediate loss of life of not only those who were in the World Trade Center but of those firefighters and rescue workers who entered the buildings in an attempt to rescue those who were there. Not only did 3,025 individuals lose their lives but immediate family members, extended family member, friends, even complete strangers lost something as well.
We have just recently observed the anniversary of Katrina, the devastating hurricane that rocked our nation as well, bringing with it millions of dollars in damages, displacement of our fellow Americans, and the death of up to 1,577 individuals. Families, communities and our nation have experienced grave destruction and emotional turmoil as a result of this tragedy.
With both of these tragedies, our nation has suffered tremendous socio-economic fallout. We have experience in both cases, an awareness of our vulnerability as individuals and as a nation to the perils of nature, both human and environmental. None of this information is new nor does it have the same impact on us as when the events were unfolding. We have become accustomed to the grim reports and to the media footage that continues to take us to “Ground Zero” and the “Ninth Ward.”
Why do I share my concern for these two events on this website? I share it with you because it is a reflection of the “Numbing of America.” Greater than the social, economical, and emotional impact of either of these two tragic events have had on our nation, are the two catastrophic destroyers: abortion and divorce. Ten years ago there were 1,210,883 legal abortions. In 2000 there were 957,200 divorces recorded. Take either of these two figures, let alone both of them combined and you will see the devastating affect they have on our nation socially as well as economically, not to mention mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Imagine 1, 210, 883 families impacted by a family member’s decision to abort a child. Imagine 957,200 families devastated by divorce.
What will it take to restore our feelings of remorse that can lead us to repentance that brings restoration? What is it going to take for us to regain our integrity as a people? We must return to the God of our creation. We must call upon God to forgive us of our sins of selfishness, self-centeredness, and disobedience to Him. God can bring healing and restoration to couples, families, and our nation but we must humble ourselves before him and ask for His forgiveness.
Am I concerned for the families that have been impacted by the terrorist attacks and Katrina? Yes, I am. But, I am more concerned about what we are doing to ourselves as individuals, families, and as a nation through our continued numbness to the suicidal effects of abortion and divorce.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Meaningless Words & Broken CovenantsI would like to introduce you to a new friend of mine. His name is Tim Coody and he has written a book by the above title. I would encourage you to check out his website at www.timcoody.com for more information about his book and to read a recent article he has written entitled, "Kisses and Band-aids". For some of you, the article may be considered inflamatory while for others, it will be right down your alley. For those of us here, we leave it up to you to decide. The views expressed by those sites & ministries referred to through this website are not to be considered the direct views of the Covenant Marriage Movement, Inc. Our purpose is to uplift marriage as a covenant relationship designed, intended and enabled by God to be a lifelong fruitful relationship between a man and woman.
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