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Leaving A Lasting Legacy
By Dawn Emeigh
CMM News Editor
January always represents a fresh start for me, and I am one of those idealistic gals that believes that everyone should make at least one resolution--set a big goal--strive to make significant changes. Even though national data shows that only 3% of Americans actually keep their resolutions.
Last month, however, a family tragedy demonstrated to me a different way of looking at how and why I should be making resolutions and setting goals. My Uncle Carl passed away somewhat unexpectedly in the week before Christmas. Married for 46 years to my Aunt Dorcas, he was a minister with a testimony so compelling and moving that he was called upon to share it throughout the years at literally hundreds of venues. After being in prison twice and living a life addicted to alcohol, he found himself homeless and living at a Rescue Mission--most of his family and friends had long since given up on him.
But his "rock bottom" was God's "launching pad" and when he accepted God's gift, his life was so changed that he never got tired of telling others about it. He married my aunt and they ministered together at the Four States Christian Mission in Hagerstown, Maryland for over 45 years--changing thousands of lives in their tireless work.
I was so impressed at my Uncle Carl's funeral. The residents of the Rescue Mission sang "Victory in Jesus" which was one of his favorites and is a regular hymn sung at mission chapel each day. Uncle Carl was a big man with a booming voice--but I listened as testimonies from mission men were read which talked about his compassion and love for them. These men--most experiencing their lowest point in life--knew that Uncle Carl cared and wanted them to have a personal relationship with Christ.
His two sons and four of his grandsons stood up and spoke of his dedication to Christ and to family. What I heard over and over was how, as kids and into adulthood, they would find him consistently in the Word--faithfully reading his Bible and praying. It was clear that his family not only "heard" his testimony but "witnessed" it in his actions. At the family's request, the plan of salvation was given and at the conclusion of the funeral, my fifteen year old cousin stood to receive Christ as the family tearfully rejoiced. It was beautiful to see how God was still using my uncle and his testimony to impact and change lives.
So for 2008 and beyond, my resolution is simply this--build a godly legacy for Christ. The great palaces, extraordinary churches and grand mansions of our world, which awe and impress, began as someone's vision. Similarly, our legacy is built when we have a vision for our lives and act on that vision. Just like those inspiring buildings, great things emerge when someone has a dream, draws up plans, and begins the work by simply laying the first stone down in faith. Whether you are young or old, rich or poor, weak or strong, God wants to use you right where you are. Just step out willingly and begin laying down stones--you will be amazed at what you can build when you fully trust in Him.
Like my Uncle Carl, I want to finish strong--to be such an inspiration and example to others, that lives will still be impacted and transformed long after I am here. Will I still make resolutions and set goals? Absolutely! But in the context of strengthening a spiritual heritage and testimony to influence future generations. I challenge you to do the same in this new year. The ultimate covenant relationship is the one you share with Christ. Let it motivate all that you do. Billy Graham once said, "I intend to keep on going, preaching the gospel, writing the gospel, as long as I have any breath. I hope my last word as I am dying...I hope my dying word will be Jesus."
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so greatly ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith."
Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV)
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Whenever There is Doubt-Don't
Phil Waugh, Executive Director
We've just come through the Christmas season. It's a time when emotions run very high. It's a time of great hope and expectations. It's also a time when we are given over to impulsive actions such as spending and making decisions. As the New Year dawns, our impulsivity spills over into the resolutions we make. These resolutions become what Mary Poppins referred to as, "Piecrust Promises-easily made and easily broken." This happens in our personal lives when we make promises to eat less, exercise more, read our Bibles daily, and attend church regularly. It also happens in our marriages and families. We resolve to spend more time with our loved ones, communicate better, listen more intently, and pay more attention to the little things that matter.
There are times when our desires are strong and our intent is good and we want so badly to follow the leadership of the Lord that we forge ahead on our own initiative, leaning on our understanding of God's intent for our lives and marriage. I have a bent in this direction. I have a tendency to want to forge ahead, with good intentions to follow the Lord without fully listening and definitely not understanding the full impact of what He is trying to do. I determine in my heart and mind that my resolutions are God-honoring and that He is bound to be pleased with them, so I make them and then carry them out to the best of my ability - with or without Him.
I do this with Cindy as well. Just yesterday she was trying to communicate something to me in regard to our extended family and I began jumping ahead of her and finishing what I thought were her thoughts only to find out that I WAS WRONG! Oh, it is painful and embarrassing to discover that I don't know as much as I think I know.
God may be in the midst of a conversation with you regarding your relationship with Him or your spouse. When he takes a breath, don't try to complete His thoughts for Him.
Oswald Chambers, in his devotional My Utmost for His Highest, states, "There are times when you cannot understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings the blank space, see that you do not fill it in, but wait. The blank space may come in order to teach you what sanctification means, or it may come after sanctification to teach you what service means. Never run before God's guidance. If there is the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt-don't."
As you enter this New Year, you may be struggling with decisions that can impact your life and relationships with family, friends, business associates, church family, etc. You may feel that God wants you to accept a new position with the company you work for or maybe quit your job to follow Him in full-time ministry. Maybe you hear Him telling you to relocate your family, go back to school, or take on a new responsibility in your church. Whatever the case, never do it only on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you may create difficulties that could take years to undo. When it's a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move.
As a disciple of Jesus, Peter was known as impulsive. Being such can be exciting. After all, Peter walked on the water with Jesus (Matthew 14:22-33). But he almost drowned in the process. In Luke 22:31-34, Simon Peter didn't really wait for Jesus to finish what He was saying nor did Peter wait on God before he determined in his mind that if his loyalty to Jesus was tested, how he would respond. "I will lay down my life for You," Peter declared. He was honest and honorable, but ignorant. "Jesus answered, "I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me." And even with that warning, the test blindsided him and he did deny three times that he knew Jesus. Jesus knew Peter better than Peter knew himself.
God knows all of us better than we know ourselves. He knows we're devoted to Him in our own ways. We're attracted to Him, perhaps even fascinated with Him. And so we make our New Year's resolutions, but those alone will never make us true disciples of Christ. With only our emotions and a "moment" where we vow to change, such devotion that's void of the true guidance and power of the Holy Spirit will always, eventually fall short. We'll deny Jesus somewhere down the line.
So, what are we to do? We are to wait on the Lord. It's a very difficult thing to wait on God through our own strength. My tendency, like Peter's, is to run ahead . . . to claim allegiance . . . only to fall on my face. I also have the tendency to act on feelings and emotions as opposed to "waiting on God" to bring things about.
The tests will come to all of us this year and they will likely be in areas we least expect them to be. We may see ourselves conquering worlds and overcoming great obstacles. We may make great claims and promises. But oftentimes such heroic claims and promises, though honorable, are ignorant and futile. We've all got a little Peter in us.
"Who are those who fear the LORD? He will show them the path they should choose" (Psalm 25:12).
The Bible tells us that if we "fear the Lord," He will guide us through life. To fear the Lord means to respect Him enough to obey Him. He will always tell you to "go." And then He will go with you. He will lead you. When you follow Him, He will lead you to places and opportunities where your life will take on meaning and purpose like you've never imagined. It's an adventure you won't trade for anything. If you want to make a good New Year's resolution, simply promise to obey God. Then go when He tells you, go where He leads you, but wait until He tells you to go. Whenever there is doubt - don't. Wait on the Lord to guide you. That one resolution will lead to a year of many other good decisions. That's a year we can all look forward to! |
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The Sense of Impending Change
By Dave Brown
The guys at work asked me if I'm pregnant. Not possible. About three weeks ago, about the time construction work slows down for the holidays, I decided to get busy and clean house - at the office. There's a domino effect here. Before I could get rid of drawings, books, and other things that had slowly taken over my office, I had to have a place to move them so I could find them should I ever need to. That meant going to other places - other rooms - and cleaning them out as well, to make room. I cleaned the mezzanine over the warehouse. I cleaned the Print Room. I cleaned the Supplies Closet. And then I moved enough stuff/junk/papers/folders/spare parts out of my office that even two bookshelves were able to go. I had one guy walk in the other day - a guy who's usually out on the jobsite - and look around and ask, "Did you paint or something?" "No," I told him. "It's just that you can see the walls again."
I didn't do it because I'm a neat freak. I like things somewhat orderly and I do make it a habit to carefully put things in their places (wherever that might be), but usually only I can make sense of the apparent random piles. This is normal.
I did it because I know something's going to happen soon and I need to be ready for it. When that big job or those five smaller projects come through, I'm going to be ready. At least I think that's what this is all about. I don't think it's about my suddenly leaving the company and how nice it will be to leave behind a legacy of order instead of chaos. But you never know. With God, you never know.
I've had this thing I call "a sense of impending change" before. And why not? If cows can tell when a storm is coming, if a cat at the nursing home can tell when a patient is about to die, if dogs can tell if someone has cancer, why can't God give us a sense that something big - maybe something wonderful - is about to happen? I believe He does and that all of us can experience it. But many of us don't because our i-Pods are on, our new flat screen TVs are on, the alcohol and drugs we "enjoy" are having their effects, our ambitions are consuming our thoughts.Do I need to go on?
By now, you've figured out that this article isn't a continuation of Covenant Marriage Fundamentals that I began last year. I'll pick up again next month. Christmas got in the way - and that's a good thing. And now we have a New Year to acknowledge. And this year, I promise, I'm going to . . . blah, blah, blah. Can I get a witness?
So rather than the same old blather (yes, that's a real word that I think blah, blah, blah is short for), let's consider something new for the New Year. Something different. What if God really has a plan for your life? What if He is really active in your life and He's really working some things out all around you that you're not aware of that will lead you to something incredible in 2008? And let's take this home - to your marriage. What if God is working to make your marriage better this coming year - incredibly better? Are you interested? Are you willing?
If you learn anything about God, learn this: He is a God of change. He loves change. He is a moving target. His will for your life is a moving target. When Jesus calls disciples, He says, "Come follow me." No negotiations. No sitting across the bargaining table from you. He's going somewhere. He wants you to follow Him. Now will you get up from wherever you are and go? Now? That's what life looks like with Jesus. And that carries over into every Covenant Marriage. Your marriage is not about you and your husband or wife. It's not even about your kids. When it is, you've lost sight of the reason God gave you that special love for each other. Your marriage is first and foremost supposed to be about following Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit - whomever (they're all one and the same) - wherever He leads you, whenever He leads you.
But you've got to be ready. God told the Hebrew people (the Jews) when they were about to leave Egypt and the slavery they'd endured for 400 years, "Eat your last meal. Don't use yeast in the bread. You don't have time for it to rise. Eat with your shoes on and your bags packed. When I tell you to go, there will be no time to hesitate. There's a Promised Land waiting." The Holy Spirit says the same thing to you and me each day. Christian couples should always live with this sense of purpose, this sense of following Someone who is always on the move. When it's lived to the fullest, the Christian life is an adventure. Your Covenant Marriage is supposed to be an adventure that God is leading you on.
Husbands, lead your wives in this. Lead them as you follow the Holy Spirit's leading in your own life. That's God's plan for you as the husband, the father, and the leader of your home.
Wives, help your husbands (don't correct them - God didn't give Adam a "fixer". He gave Adam a "helper."). Submit to your husband's leadership as he follows God's leading. That's God plan for your life as a wife.
Together, God wants to take you places. He wants to touch other lives with His love through you. But you have to be willing and you have to be ready. Do you have that sense of impending change? If you do, know that it's the Holy Spirit telling you it's time to get ready. Clean up your spiritual house. Learn what you need to learn. Prepare. And wait for the word (see Phil's article this month on "Waiting") from the Holy Spirit. It will come. You'll know it when you hear it. This is going to be great! What stories you'll have to tell others one day - all because you felt the change coming and you got ready. I can't wait to hear them.
Oh . . . and it's infectious. The president of my company cleaned out his office two days later. And Lisa's learned to live with that "sense of impending change." This isn't just about you, either. I wonder whose lives you'll touch this year . . .
Dave Brown is the pastor of Harmony Fellowship in Kingston Springs, TN and is on the CMM Board of Directors. He co-authored Covenant vs. Contract with Phil Waugh, the Director of CMM. He has a newly released book, Simple Christianity, available at www.amazon.com or through your local bookstore. He can be reached at brown5757@comcast.net. Visit his website www.davebrownministries.com. |
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Mirror, Mirror
Pam & Bill Farrel
 We discovered the power of encouraging words while on our honeymoon, I (Pam) had just stepped from the shower and was looking into the mirror. I began to criticize my body. Bill was sitting on the bed, admiring his new wife. As I would comment on an area I thought needed improving, Bill began to panic. He was afraid I would continue to point out my shortcomings then get depressed and sex would be out of the question! I went on for a few minutes until he could stand it no longer. He was angry that I would put down his choice of a wife. I was not only tearing myself down but undermining Bill's taste. But instead of saying something in anger, he prayed, "God, I could do a better job than that mirror!"
He stood up, wrapped his arms around me and told me to look straight into his eyes. He very seriously and very lovingly said. "I will be your mirror. My eyes will reflect your beauty. You are beautiful, Pamela. You are perfect, and if you ever doubt it, come stand before me. The mirror of my eyes will tell you the true story. You are perfect for me. If I have to throw away every mirror in the house to get you to believe me, I will! From now on, let me be your mirror!"
For over 21 years, Bill has reflected to me my worth and value from God's point of view. He does himself a favor by loving me and being my mirror because I want to love him the way he desires to be loved.
100 to 1 Principle
Sometimes it isn't easy to discover ways to encourage a spouse. One woman came to me and said, " There is nothing here! No spark, or sizzle-nothing! I have no feelings-I want out of this marriage!"
I suggested that we pray and ask God to show her one positive thing about her spouse. She went home and prayed. The next day she called me and said, "I thought of something."
"Good, what is it?" I said hopefully.
"He's still here."
He's still here! I thought she was kidding but I could tell from her tone she was completely serious.
"Okay, let's run with that. Let's brainstorm together ways you can tell him thanks for being here-but in a positive way."
We brainstormed a list of several ways to positive say, "You're here!" and she went back home and began to try using them. She would see her husband, sitting in his recliner, with remote in hand watching sports. She'd walk by and rub his shoulders and say, "It's nice to know you're around."
She'd see him sitting reading the paper, and walk by and say, "You know, I was thinking, it's nice to know some things in life you can count on-like you-being here."
She came up with so many ways to positively say, "You're here, bud," that one day, he got up out of that old recliner! He came into the living room where she was having a quiet time, reading her Bible. He had never been interested in spiritual discussions before this time but he said, "Honey, what are you reading?"
"My Bible. I was having a problem at work and this passage in the Psalms is helping me."
"Why don't you read it to me?" Which she did and added an explanation of how it applied to her life.
"That's pretty neat," he replied with genuine enthusiasm in his voice.
The next Sunday, a miracle happened. Instead of going to his favorite chair, he asked if he could go to church with her--and he has been coming ever since. In addition, she now regularly tells me of his romantic gestures toward her.
She found the power of encouraging words by taking 100% of her energy and focusing it on one positive trait. Our experience has taught me that happiness and passion in marriage do not come from finding the right partner, but in being the right partner.
Bill and Pam Farrel are relationship specialists, international speakers, and authors of over 25 books including, best selling Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti. Their DVD curriculum for small groups on this topic is available from Lifeway, or www.farrelcommunications.com
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| Happy New Year! |
| We look forward to the great things that God will continue to do within the Covenant Marriage Movement. Thank you for allowing us to serve you in this upcoming year. May God truly bless you and your marriage in 2008! | |
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