Guard Yourself...Guard Your Marriage

Do You Have a Perfect Marriage?

What does a perfect marriage look like? Should it not be made up of two perfect individuals? (i.e. a perfect husband and a perfect wife) For those who enjoy mystery novels or are "movie-goers" you may recall the book by Ira Levin or the movie by Stephen King entitled, The Stepford Wives. The blurb on the back of the book reads, "All the beautiful people live in the idyllic village of Stepford, Connecticut, an affluent suburban Eden populated with successful, satisfied hubbys and their beautiful, dutiful wives." Now for some, you may be thinking, what's wrong with that? I suggest that it may be in your best interest to keep those thoughts to yourself. But on a serious note, many of us enter into marriage with a dream or at least a degree of desire that our marriage will be perfect. I know of very few couples who come to the altar with thoughts of their marriage being a total disaster and they can't wait to jump into the mess.

Do you have a perfect marriage? Let me ask you this; are you a perfect husband? Are you a perfect wife? In Matthew 5:48 we read, "Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." This statement of Jesus comes within the context of what is known as the Sermon on the Mount, in which He has just outlined in verses 43-44 the expectation of God the Father that His children not simply love our neighbors and those who love us, but we are to love our enemies as well. Jesus says in verse 46, "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same?"

The implied truth here is that God can enable us to accomplish these things, to love even the unlovely. Now, if God can give us the ability to seek the best interest of people with whom we have no natural attraction, how much more will He enable us to seek the best interest of those we love who may irritate, annoy or offend us at times? God Himself is the standard we are to follow.

As disciples or followers of Christ, we must identify ourselves with God's interests in other people and that includes our spouse. I am called of God to love him as Christ has loved me. To express Christian character is not simply doing good deeds. It is displaying God-likeness. What is to be seen in me is Christ-likeness, not merely a "good human being." The goal is not even to be godly or to be "god-like" in my actions but to get to the point that they don't even see me but see God. This is to be accomplished in the ordinary things of life and living in relationship with others. (i.e. my spouse) When faced with the ordinary things of life or when we are faced with the crises of life, a perfect husband does not become self-centered. A perfect wife does not become self-centered. They are God-centered and God-controlled. God will give us ample opportunities in actual life to prove whether we are perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect. As disciples we must deliberately identify ourselves with God's interests in other people. "That you love one another, as I have loved you . . ."

What does a perfect husband look like? A perfect husband is one who identifies with God's interest in his wife. He wants what is best for his wife in her relationship with God. In like manner,  a perfect wife is one who wants what is best for her husband in his relationship with God. A perfect marriage is not one that simply doesn't have difficulties. It is not without fussing or arguements. It is not one that is simply debt free. A perfect marriage is one in which a couple's interest is in identifying with God's interest in others. A couple that understands that the world does not revolve around them and allows God to use them to love others will experience a perfect marriage.

Do you have a perfect marriage? Are you a perfect husband? Are you a perfect wife? You may say, "No, not yet." I would reply, "But are you working on it?" Is perfection a goal for your life and marriage? To be perfect, complete, fulfilled as the Father in heaven is perfect should be goal of a Covenant Marriage. I challenge you to make it a goal of yours.

Covenant Fundamentals

So far, we've learned two fundamental truths about covenants:

Truth #1:  God initiates all covenant relationships, especially Covenant Marriages.

Truth #2:  Every covenant is based on the "if-then" principle, especially Covenant Marriages.

The third truth may be my favorite.  It has to do with the benefits of being in covenant with someone, especially God.  One of the earliest recorded stories of such a covenant is the story of Abraham.  In Genesis 12:1, God told him to leave his country, his friends, and his father's family and go to a place God would show him.  And then, in verses 2 & 3, God said to Abraham,

2 "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. 3 I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."  (NIV)

People who are in covenant with God are blessed by God and others will be blessed through them.  But we make a huge mistake when we think that blessings are things like lots of money, a nice home, a good job, healthy kids, or the ability to sing or play some musical instrument.  These aren't blessings.  They're gifts.  And God gives us gifts so we can use them to demonstrate His love to others and draw them closer to Him.  He might give you a gift today and then, next year, take it away, replacing it with something else. 

I've been healthy and I've dealt with illness.  There have been times when I've had plenty of money to pay the bills and other times we wondered how we would pay for everything.  I used to be a pretty good guitarist but I don't practice or play much anymore.  I have sermons to preach and books and newsletter articles to write.  So I don't play so well these days.  I guess I'm not as gifted as I once was.

But I'm always blessed.  That's because the blessing of God has nothing to do with whether I'm prosperous or not, whether I'm healthy or not, or whether I can sing and play or not.  And it certainly has nothing to do with my comfort.  No one can argue that Jesus was surely the most blessed person ever in history.  No one has ever had a better relationship with the Father than He did.  Jesus died on the cross.  But He was still blessed.

If you take a closer look at the covenants God established with people in the Bible, you'll find that when He blessed them, nothing really changed in their lives regarding their wealth, their health, or their comfort.  But the directions of their lives changed drastically - for the better.  When God told Abraham to go, He didn't even tell him where.  He just said, "Go."  And interestingly, Abraham never said, "Where are we going?"  He just went.  And God blessed Abraham.

The blessing of God is His way of identifying Himself with His people.  Every Christian enters into that same covenant with God and God says to all of us, "You're mine and I'm yours and I'm going to bless you and I'm going to bless others through you."  In essence, the blessing of God gives us status.  And with that status comes the authority to do what He tells us to do.  And because we have status and authority, we are "enabled" to do the very things we could never do otherwise.  Without the blessing of God, no one can ever experience the wonderful life God has for them.  But with that blessing - and every Christian has it - every Christian is special.  It doesn't matter how much money they have or how great they can play an instrument (or not), every Christian is special to God.  That's empowering.

In a marriage, every husband is special to his wife and every wife is special to her husband.  It's so easy, after years of living together and perhaps fussing about things or becoming a little disappointed in each other, to forget how special he or she was to you when you first met.  You have the power to help your spouse become a better person.  You can bless your spouse or curse him (or her).  With your words and with your actions, you can tell your spouse that you believe in him (or her) or you don't.  We tend to live up to the expectations of others.

In a Covenant Marriage, husbands don't care if their wives make more money than they do.  And they also are encouraging if their wives want to stay home with the kids.  In a Covenant Marriage, wives are fine if their husbands decide to quit their good-paying jobs to pursue that dream business or career they've always wanted to try.  Such wives know that God is really their Provider and everything will be fine.  I believe in Lisa and she believes in me.  But ultimately we both believe in God more.  That's why we're able to overlook the mistakes we both make.  We know God has a great plan for our lives and He's already worked it out around our mistakes.

Lisa's truly a blessing to me and I think I'm a blessing to her.  Together, we're better than we would have ever been without each other.  That's always been God's plan.  That's why He brought us together.  That's what a blessing looks like in a Covenant Marriage.  Yours can look like that, too.

Truth #3:  God blesses those in covenant with Him.  A blessing enables. Those in a Covenant Marriage also bless each other, enabling each other to become more than they ever could without each other.