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Take Your Marriage Back To School
Well...it's that time of year again. Back to school at my house is met with much excitement. My energetic fifth-grader LOVES school. The friends, the PhysEd classes, the recess, the chatting at the lunch table...if it weren't for those pesky assignments, tests, and quiet classrooms, it would be near perfect! Every year I pray, bite my nails, hold my breath, apologize to the teachers, and somehow my little chatterbox manages to make it through--with a ton of new friends and a seriously worn out teacher in his wake!
In preparation for the new school year, I asked him to sit down with me last week and compile a list of the things that would be most important for him to be successful in class. As I looked over the list, I realized that these simple elementary principles could make a lot of marriages better. Read them over with your marriage in mind, and challenge yourself to take your own relationship back to school!
This is a tough one. How many times have I interrupted my spouse or immediately interjected my opinion instead of respecting him and giving him a chance to convey what's on his mind? If marriage were like school, I would be in the principal's office for sure. Just as we respect the teacher and others in the class, we should respect our spouses. Wait your turn, discuss things respectfully, and make sure your partner knows that their thoughts and ideas will be heard and are important to you.
Learn What Is Expected!
Knowing your spouse is power! We each have unique and sometimes very different personalities. True harmony comes from appreciating those differences and helping one another make the most of our strengths. My husband understands that I don't handle stress very well. He does. When a stressful situation occurs, he knows that I would like his help. Our marriage benefits greatly from our knowledge of one another and our willingness to use that knowledge to keep things running smoothly.
Prepare To Be Tested!
Didn't you hate it when your teacher pulled out the pop quiz? The only thing worse was walking into class on exam day knowing that you are not fully prepared. We can be sure that tests will be a part of our marital relationship. Whether it is the pop quiz that totally blindsides you or the full exam that you have been warned about, it is inevitable that your marriage will face trials and difficulties. Preparation is crucial. Immerse yourself in God's word. Pray for and with your spouse. Seek the help and counseling of others. Understand the meaning of "covenant" and be fully prepared to rely on this principle when you really need it.
Have Fun As Often As You Can Get Away With It!
When my son wrote out his list, this, of course, was the first thing he wrote down. Maybe he has a point. I know several couples that are so bogged down in their careers, problems, and various issues, that the fun they once experienced is fairly non-existent. I believe that the happiest of couples are those who have not forgotten to have a good time with each other. Of course, there are times to be serious. But take advantage of every moment you can to have fun.
Treat Others The Way You Want To Be Treated!
This one needs no explanation. Do you put your spouse first? Do you speak kindly? Are your actions thoughtful? If we all treated our husbands or wives in the respectful and loving way that we would want to be treated, there would be no need for divorce attorneys. Think of the impact on your family if you just made this one principle a reality in your life. I pray that many of you will!
Marriage can be a challenge! But God has given us the perfect textbook--His word. Christ is our marvelous teacher--full of wisdom, patience, and compassion. Take your marriage back to school and work diligently to be at the top of your class!
Dawn Emeigh
Editor, CMM News |
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Covenant Marriage In Arkansas
"On February 4, 2006, my husband and I were married in a covenant marriage ceremony in Stuttgart, Arkansas. We chose to have a covenant marriage for many reasons, one being that we were both raised in Christian homes by parents who were great examples of what a marriage is about. After studying about the covenant marriage, we realized the steps you must take are steps we would take anyway--it was never a question whether or not we would have a covenant marriage. What was sad to me is that when we were at the courthouse in January of 2006 getting our marriage license and covenant certificate, the lady there remarked that we were only the fourth couple in our county since it was introduced in Arkansas in 2001 to choose to have a covenant marriage. Since then, I know of one or two other couples. I believe this will do nothing but strengthen my marriage in the years to come. I admire my former governor, Mike Huckabee, for pushing for covenant marriages in Arkansas--I hope other states will consider it too!"--SN
During this past month, I have responded to several e-mails from individuals in Arkansas requesting information about converting their marriage license to a covenant marriage license. Some of these are as follows:
"My husband and I had planned to convert our marriage to a covenant marriage for our fifth anniversary this December, but he's been deployed to Korea. Is there any way we could still do this?--A Proud Army Wife
"David and I have been married for 26 years. Do you know who in Arkansas we should contact to convert our marriage to a covenant marriage?" -- NB
"My husband and I would like more information on the covenant marriage. How do we go about getting the license? Who could perform the ceremony? We live in Arkansas and have been married almost 3 years." -- RT
Many of you may not even be aware of what these couples are trying to do. Greater than this is the question of why someone would want to convert their marriage license and what does that mean.
I have chosen to use this article to celebrate the activity of God in the lives of these couples while also making you aware of how some couples are choosing to witness to those around them. Currently, there are only three states that legally recognize Covenant Marriage with a license or conversion. These states are: Louisiana, Arizona, and Arkansas. In Arkansas, the couple must sign a statement that reads:
We do solemnly declare that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman who agree to live together as husband and wife for so long as they both may live. We have chosen each other carefully and disclosed to one another everything which could adversely affect the decision to enter into this marriage. We have received authorized counseling on the nature, purposes, and responsibilities of marriage. We have read the Covenant Marriage Act of 2001, and we understand that a covenant marriage is for life. If we experience marital difficulties, we commit ourselves to take all reasonable efforts to preserve our marriage, including marital counseling.
With full knowledge of what this commitment means, we do hereby declare that our marriage will be bound by Arkansas law on covenant marriages and we promise to love, honor, and care for one another as husband and wife for the rest of our lives." *
Act 1486 of 2001 created an option for couples in Arkansas to choose a Covenant Marriage.
Couples entering into a Covenant Marriage agree to be bound by two limitations on obtaining a divorce or separation which do not apply to other couples married in Arkansas:
"The couple agrees to seek marital counseling if problems develop during the marriage; and the couple can seek a divorce or legal separation only for limited reasons, as set out in the Act and explained in this pamphlet, which outlines the consequences of entering in a Covenant Marriage under Arkansas law:
"Additionally, couples bound by a Covenant Marriage, unless judicially separated, may only sue each other for certain causes of action. Couples who are already married may execute a declaration of intent to designate their marriage as a Covenant Marriage. They must sign a recitation and an affidavit such as the one included in this pamphlet, after receiving counseling, to which the counselor must attest. This intent to designate their marriage as a Covenant Marriage must be filed with the official who issues marriage licenses in the county in which the couple is domiciled." **
The bottom line is this. As Christians, we are called upon to be salt and light in a world that does not comprehend the love of God through Christ. One way we can do this is to go above and beyond what the world requires of us. We can choose to set an example for all the world to see. To pursue a Covenant Marriage License says to the watching world that the God we serve is greater than the laws of mankind. Entering into a Covenant Marriage affirms our faith in the God of our marriage. A Covenant Marriage is an opportunity to go above and beyond the norm for the glory of God.
I applaud those of you who have taken these steps, and I encourage others who can to follow suit. For those of you who are not afforded this option in your state, I would encourage you to become pro-active in getting such a bill passed in your state. Request that your church provide additional information about Covenant Marriage through Bible studies, sermons, etc.
Let's not sit on the sidelines as couples while those in Arkansas become a living testimony to our great God. Let's join them in celebrating the activity of God in our nation regarding Covenant Marriage. Let's get involved!
Phil Waugh
Executive Director, Covenant Marriage Movement
* "Covenant Marriage Act 2001," brochure from State of Arkansas,
83rd General Assembly, Regular Session 2001, House Bill 2039.
** Ibid. |
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Covenant Fundamentals
We have a problem in America today. My kids played soccer when they were younger. I'll never forget attending our first season-ending party. Every child received a trophy. They didn't win that many games. They certainly didn't come in first, second, or even third place. But they still got trophies. Apparently that was to help their self-esteem. When I played Little League baseball, we placed second one year. That year I received a trophy. We were expected to earn our trophies. Self-esteem was something we earned as well.
Today we are raising children who think it is their right to win simply because they played a game. My boss would laugh me out of his office if I told him that I should be making the same salary because we both work in the same building. My college professors would scoff at the idea that I deserved not just a passing grade but an A simply for attending class. We've got a generation of young people who think they deserve a house and car as nice as the ones their parents worked 30 years to earn. Many of these young, married up-and-comers are in debt up to their eyeballs and wonder why their marriages are failing. Financial problems are near the root of most divorces.
We'll be doing our children a favor if we help them learn this basic rule of life: Most things have to be earned and worked for over time. Maybe we've redefined trophy as just memorabilia rather than a symbol of accomplishment. Have our houses and cars become our adult trophies? I'll take the Covenant Marriage I have with Lisa over those any day. We've had to work hard for that, too.
Life is full or requirements that we do certain things to a certain standard for a certain length of time if we want certain results. Our relationships with God are no different. The Bible is full of "if-then" statements--explicit and implied. The same is true of your marriage. If you want your marriage to be all God designed it to be, then there are things you'll have to say and do...and think. If you will, then good things will happen. Every covenant marriage is grounded on this fundamental truth.
Truth #2: Every covenant is based on the "if-then" principle...especially Covenant Marriages.
In the Bible, when God established covenants with people, He always told them the good things that would happen in their lives if they would simply do what He told them to do and not do those things He told them not to do. Adam and Eve learned the hard way that He wasn't kidding. So have I. Every Christian has. We're all in covenant with God. If we want to experience the life that God has for us, there are certain things we need to do and certain things we'll need to stop doing.
You know what I am talking about. Some Christians wonder why God "let" something happen to them or why He didn't allow something they really wanted to occur. Many don't go to church regularly, don't use their talents to help others experience His love, and won't even give back to God ten percent of the money He enables them to earn through a job they are smart enough and healthy enough to perform. But even if we do all these things, there's no guarantee of the life we think we deserve.
We give God our own "if-then" rule. "God, if you'll do good things for me, then I'll give you the glory and tell everyone how great you are." It doesn't work that way. We don't make the rules. It's the other way around. Every Christian has something he or she is supposed to be doing right now--today. You have something God wants you to do and you know what it is. If you'll do it, then good things will happen.
The same is true of your marriage. If you want a Covenant Marriage, you're going to have to do some things you're not already doing. You men may have to start going to church with your wives and your children on a regular basis. You women may need to stop spending more money than you and your husband make so you can tithe to your local church. You both may need to stop trying to win every argument and begin apologizing more and speak with encouragement and love. I don't know exactly what you need to do. I have got my own list of things I know God wants me to do. I'll work on mine. You work on yours.
There are a lot of things that, if you'll do them, then your marriage will be a great one--a Covenant Marriage. Are you ready? It's going to take some work, but you husbands will have real trophy wives and you wives will consider your husbands prizes. And anniversaries will be special. That's what happens in Covenant Marriages.
Dave Brown is the pastor of Harmony Fellowship in Pegram, TN and is on the CMM Board of Directors. He co-authored Covenant vs. Contract with Phil Waugh, the director of CMM. He has a newly released book, Simple Christianity, available at Amazon.com or your local bookstore. He can be reached at brown5757@comcast.net. |
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Testimonies From A Covenant Marriage Retreat in Marysville, CA
Testimony From Tom: "I was apprehensive at first because I didn't really want to go. Once I decided to put my heart into it, I realized it was a valuable learning experience. It is a great tool for marriage. I never expected to enjoy it or gain anything from it, but I did."
Testimony From DeAnn: "I believe a significant cause of failure or disappointment with marriage is lack of communication. What we learned in this conference was how to communicate more effectively along with a change of attitude towards the concept of marriage. Marriage should be a covenant not a contract. No matter how long you've been married, participating in this type of conference will benefit a couple."
To Find Out How You Can Book A Covenant Marriage Retreat For Your Church or Community, Click Here
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